Odd Journaling

I don’t know why, but I woke up today terrified. Right now, I’m in a safe space. I have two friends near me and I have nothing today that is going to be difficult.

I am still scared stiff.

This seems like a journal entry more so than a blog post and I apologize for that, but I think it is significant that I am absolutely petrified to make a single move. I don’t know if I have a gut feeling that something bad is going to happen or if something bad has already happened. I don’t know if my anxiety is just railroading me into submission. I don’t know.

I’m still here though. November 28th, 2016 is scaring me, but I’m still here.

There’s really only one thing for me to do and I’m doing it. I’m writing my way out of the fear. I am typing another unplanned blog post about something very tender and hot in my mind. I’m hoping that with every letter I press to the keyboard, I will find a solution to my problem.

It isn’t always that easy. I feel remiss for reiterating my fear, but something about it is so overwhelming. Every step, every word, every breathe is prefaced by my heart clenching and my mind racing.

I’m really scared. I don’t know what to do, but I am really scared.

I’m sure I’ll make a blog post when the fear passes. That’s the thing about fear, it passes.

Forever winging it and writing my way out.


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