“I’ll Be in the Library at Midnight.”

I have not written anything consistent for quite some time. This is no surprise to me. I have long claimed myself to be a writer, but I, in no way, have the work ethic I believe my idols had. I also feel incredibly lonely of late, I feel like creation is no longer an option for me. I decided to look somewhere completely new. I wanted to look to the people admired by the people I admire. The Beatles, WWE wrestlers, and Leslie Howard.

I started by listening to Rubber Soul, something long overdue, and then I asked my close friends what their favorite Beatles songs are. I am as cuaght up on the product of the WWE as I can be, while making commentary online about how I think the performances of the varying wrestlers stack up against one another and how they hold the audiences interest. As for Leslie Howard, my Mom’s favorite male actor (I do not think I have jumped him yet), I have read about his life, the tragedy of his death, watched clips of him on YouTube and finally bit the bullet and watched The Scarlet Pimpernel.

I learned one thing from all three of these sources. They constantly bury themselves in their craft. The Beatles worked eight days a week, WWE superstars travel and exercise and perform constantly, and Leslie Howard would work on a movie, a Broadway show, and speak in public all at the same time. My motivation to even take care of myself is non-existent. So, how do I fix this. I, unfortunately, am sick and tired of the ‘just do it’ frame of mind that so many of my contemporaries try to force on me. If it was that easy for me, I would be doing it, but it is also just as useful as the gem, ‘just be happy’.

How can I defeat the specter that is zero motivation? Well, the thought just dawned on me. I have to work hard, not for my sake, but for the sake of everyone else until I can understand how to do work for myself. Because when I am working, I am happy.

Unfortunately, I get bad advice from people I love that is drawn from people they admire. The most common piece of advice goes a bunch of different ways. Commonly, I will be stressed or upset about something and the person I go to for advice will immediately blame me for complacency. That I have earned every bit of trouble my way. And, I always feel like they’re right, but then I watch something new. I see Ringo Starr or Leslie Howard or Randy Savage and what they did. And what they went through.

Then I feel okay again.


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